Thursday, April 7, 2011


I will admit I sometimes doubt the need to put in the work on this blog.

Sure, it is fun to share the stuff, but I am not trying to build up my own ego. This is part of the journey I am on with my sexuality. The journey started fucked up beyond belief in my early life, took many twists and turns, and ironically now that I am most "twisted" I am also the most happy and fulfilled.

This blog has become a celebration of just how far I have come. 

And yet, some days it is hard to keep up.

I love to make my husband my first priority in all things. And if it works out the way we all hope it does, my pup will be as well. I don't want to neglect  what is important in my life.

I have a horrendous work schedule. I just did three days of 13-14 hours each. And going to get on a plane tomorrow for 7 days more just like those. Time is hard to come by. 

And while I have a pretty damn fortunate life, it is often hard not to sometimes become jealous of the fortunes of others. I don't want to lost sight of who I am. 

Sometime I wonder if I take on too much. I get stressed and emotional sometimes, and I have to admit I am tempted to take a break, or even toss in the towel all together. 

And then, someones decides to send me something like this:

This pup wishes to Thank You Sir for making such Wonderful videos. Two of Your videos really peaked this pup's interest. 2 hours of Solid Estim and Wrapped in a Sling are this pup's Favorites. Master and pup have been getting closer to heavy bondage and long term sensory deprivation and have been wanting to add more. You Sir are an Inspiration to anyone in the BDSM community!

*wags his tail happily*
pup Quark Studly Allen
(as named by his Master and Owner)

Thanks pup

That is a very humbling message. 

 I am glad you like the videos. When I look at some of my favorites out there producing original videos today, like BlackShinyrubber, Cuffdbhnd,  Gregkinky, RbrDavey, Rubberasylum, and many others (check out my favorites for the many more), I feel like I have a ways to go to catch up. 

But to take the time to say thank you like still means a lot to me pup. As do all the others who have taken the time to tell me they appreciate this blog.

Have to admit, beats the doubts away. 

More soon


  1. Sometimes it scares me how much my head works like yours. These blogs force you to put yourself out there, warts and all. And you wonder if anybody is really reading. Then you get hit upside the head with a really nice e-mail like that. Just yesterday I got an e-mail from a young man in Singapore telling me he's my #1 fan after "he cum and cum and cum while reading my story." I'm ready to sit down and write another!!!

  2. Most people who come to our blogs dont understand the amount of time they take to do and how they can consume us. You do a great job keep it up and thanks for all you do!