Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Thoughts on Gun Play

Since recording the Episode 7 of the AsylumCast on safety recently I have been thinking about the interview we did with Firemankat regarding gun play. Out of respect for my co-host's friendship I tried to remain respectful and allow someone with their own point of view to be able to express it, and in the interest of communicating safety to our audience I had decided to focus solely on certain questions. 

However, in my own blog I can say the things that I feel need to be said. 

There are a number of things that I disagreed with and going to take a moment to discuss them:

  • Gun play is NOT like other edge play. An accident in gun play can result in instant death. Breath play or noose play, and other kinks that are close, can result in death if a scene goes wrong and I know of instances where this has happened. But even if the difference in time is only seconds, a gun will kill instantly and a noose (unless you are doing something very wrong) is going to take a minute or two. The difference in time may be all the difference in the world

  • I have come to believe there is a bit of hysteria in America regarding guns. I don't think that they should be illegal, but they definitely should be taken away from those that have proven they can't handle them or are too unstable to know what they are doing. And there is no reason for most of the weaponry that is available to the public. Doesn't do a lick of good for hunting, way overkill for home or personal protection. They only exist for the purpose of taking a life, and until we decide as a nation that life is too sacred to fuck around with, we are going to have "accidents". Most of the gun craziness only serves to further encourage irresponsible gun handling, and only by keeping it in check are we ever going to reduce the number of preventable handgun deaths.

  • Yesterday I was walking down the street and overheard a group a douche bag sales guy on their way to a titty bar, all one upping each other on their opions about the Trevon Martin case. One guy said, "if someone breaks into my home, they are dead". Really? In every case? What if this fictious burgler is of no real threat to you, is an overwhelming response of force necessary to protect your "stuff"? Is the TV really worth that much to you? What if the burgler is a woman and unarmed themselves? Are you really that big of a man if you shoot someone else that poses no real threat to you? Why can't you subdue them? Give them a warning first? Even the suggestion of incapacitating them with a shot to the knee is not discussed. Nope, just dead. What if the bugler is a child, but you can't tell until after the stupid little 10 year old is dead? Is now your "shoot first ask questions later" stance really effective? Not only are absolutes like what this douche bag sales dude said not taking into account a thousand variable he hasn't considered, they are also illogical. Every organizational force that is charged with protection of some sort (police, military, prisons, etc.) all train their staff to utilize their best resource for always coming out ahead of the bad guys; backup. If someone breaks into your house, your first step shoudl be to call for backup (aka, 911). Then get out of the situation so you are in control, not the other party. And then only if necessary and you are left with no other option is deadly force an option.

  • What originally started this discussion was my assertion that anyone who has a gun in their profile is someone that I will never play with, and is an instant turn off. I still hold this opinion, and likely will for some time to come. There are other such triggers for me besides gun play, that is just one of them. Someone who is BBBH (Bare Back Brother Hood) is also not for me (that is a completely different discussion we can have later). Party and Play is also a line that I draw. Am I saying that these 3 things, gun play &  barebacking & meth usage for play, are all morally equivilant? Nope. But I am saying that I don't think that any one of these three kinds of players are responsible enough with their kink for me to play with. 

  • One of the points that was made over and over was that the best way to be safe with gun play is to make sure that a bullet is not in the chamber; don't play loaded. But there is one thing that can be done that is even safer... DON'T PLAY WITH GUNS!

  • There is a number of articles and studies that show that judgement and decision making capabilities of humans is greatly diminished during a sexual act. How many times have you got done playing to come to find bruises, rug burns, and other minor injuries that you didn't know even happened. When in the moment you can get so caught up in what you are doing that your cognitive reasoning skills are near useless. If we say that it is not a good idea to handle guns when drunk, WHICH I DO, or high on something, why would we take a gun into a situation that is going to result in similar reduction in mental capacity. 

  • I can almost hear the arguements to what I am saying now. But I know what I am doing. I have been trained. I am not like other people. This isn't going to happen to me because I am not one of thsoe people in the studies, not one of those people that is going to end up on the nightly news. THe only problem is that the people who are ending up on the nightly news, the ones that do end up losing their life in a situation that we think of as preventable, tragic or unnecessary, also said the same thing about themselves. It is always the other guys foolish choice until it happens to you.

  • I personally think that those that are engaging in this kind of play are fetishizing death in some sort of way. You can hear it in the call we took on the show. A role play scenario was played out where a bullet (training round) was taken after being bound and told it was "time to say goodnight". When I engage in breath control I am not fantisizing my own death or the death of someone else, and then getting off on it. I don't find it hot that role playing a possible death in any way is responsible or a good idea for anyone's psyche. Death, and therefore Life, are held in a different pantheon of all possible ways we can fetishize the world around us, the different kinks we may have. It is because everything we can turn into a kink is not representative of finality like a death can be, and I don't think we give respect to how death will affect those around us by turning it into a sex game. 

  • My next point is this. A man I greatly respect told me after listening to the show his view. He is a law enforcement official of many years, responsible for leading many others  in the same field. He said the following: "There is nothing sexual about guns to me. People confuse the attraction they have for a self confident man in a position of power with the tools they carry. And I strongly disagree with seeking someone experienced philosophy. The most common accidental shootings we have are with our firearms instructors who handle guns daily and one day get careless out of the commonness of holding a gun. People who only handle guns rarely for emergencies are nervous about touching them. They are meticulous in their handling and never have an accidental discharge." Couldn't have said it better myself, and considering it comes from someone who is armed professionally, I respect his opinion. Basically, the more you fuck around with a gun the more you are increasing your chances of causing a problem.

  • The final opinion I have here is that I don't feel I ever got a satisfactory answer to my question during the show regarding experience. My question was to clarify the point that perhaps there are those out there that should not be doing this kind of play simply because they don't have the same benefit of experience and training that Firemankat has, and my two attempts to get consensus on that didn't seem to go anywhere. Out of respect for someone who came on the show to express their opinion I let it go for that moment, but I am going to make it clear here. The vast majority of people listening to our show or reading this blog do not have the training to be able to handle a gun safely in any kind of sexual scene, and I have laid out why I think that there is no way to have such safe handling. My reasoning for saying I don't play with people who have guns in their profiles is because I don't believe I can trust the judgement of someone who isn't promoting the safety in a full throated endorsement of taking every precaution. And one of those precautions should be to tell people who don't know what they are doing or have no experience/training that this is not the kind of play for them.

At one point there is a moment when the subject of being judged by this play comes up. Judgement is normal in our kink world. Everyone makes a judgement when they hit the "cruise" button or not. We make judgements of other peoples kinks when we are exposed to them and decide that it is or isn't for me. That is normal. Not everyone likes me or my kinks. That is fine and we all live with that reality.

And in my judgement, based on the reasons above, I think that anyone who engages in gun play in a public way is not responsible enough for me to want to have anything to do with sexually. 

I would encourage the boys I play with to use similar judgement. There are too many thrills out there left without having to go to this place.


  1. Some things are just too dangerous to do, I have to agree that gun play is one of those things. Guns are dangerous and that potential danger needs to be respected. Does that mean that guns are inherently bad? Obviously not. Yes, people do bad things with guns, but they can also do bad things with cars, hydrochloric acid, rope, and if they are very motivated, chairs. We have to look at acceptable risk in play (such as rope, chairs, and cars) versus unacceptable risk. (Such as hydrochloric acid and guns.)

    For people whose kink is guns, it doesn't mean that you have to use the real thing, get a fake gun for play. You wouldn't use a live grenade for play even if the pin were superglued in, would you? Sparky is absolutely correct that most people think "it will never happen to me." If that were insulation from accidents and disasters, then they would never happen.

  2. While I own and use firearms (target shooting), I agree there is nothing sexual about firearms. At all. One could make some Freudian comments but those are hyperbolic BS. While I agree that Americans generally have too much access to weapons, I hesitate to go down that path because it opens up Pandora's box and gets too complicated. Besides, the people who legally obtain firearms aren't the ones to be worried about! Even if the authorities were to institute a sweep of all registered firearms, there'd still be a lot left on the streets and owned by the shadiest of characters.

    Lastly, the overwhelming majority of people have absolutely no idea what happens when a person is shot. It is devastating to all involved. Even in wartime situations. Unfortunately, I happen to be among that group and it's something that I regret having to do. Deeply. Yes, yes... I was serving my country while doing so, blahblahblah. I try to do what most Vets do and to not think about it or rationalize it was 'Him or Me' scenario. But I wish we were never in that position to begin with.

  3. I agree with you Sparky. Gun play is just too high on the risk meter for me.