Monday, January 31, 2011

Dom? or Sub?

Been fielding a few questions from people lately regarding if I am a Top or bottom, sub or Dom.

Even recently been told that I appear more of a Master than what my profile on one of the big profile site indicates.

The reality is I am a confirmed switch. I enjoy both.

I will admit to two things about that though:

First, I when I play outside of the home I tend to split my time evenly between both sides for what I seek (though because I find letting go difficult, mostly I take the Dom role). That is both because I tend to Top more at home and because my travelling for work lets me experience play with a variety of people.

If you are a top, I am likely to want to sub to you. If you are a sub, I am likely to want to Dom. But if you are one of those rare, real life switches, I am likely to want to do both with you as well. That is just how it works.

And second, in my journey through kink I started off as just a sub and reveled in it. At one point loving being a collared pup. Now I am at a point in my life where I love playing both sides, learning and growing, developing my ability to do both as best as I can. And one day my journey will lead me to be a Dom all the time.

So if anyone gets mixed signals, there you go. I always encourage any one to ask questions, and let me know what it is that you are looking for. Likely find a way to make it work ;)


Sunday, January 30, 2011

Football Pad Suit!

So I was checking out the blog a great guy I met this year, Atlantarubber, when I noticed the latest set has his woofy puppy in a cool suit, one I remember they showed on the site before. See the post HERE

After some research (zooming in on the pick to see the name) I discovered it is a football suit with the pads built in, meant to be worn under the jersey and pants. Now I love the way that they end up using it in the post, but kind of want one of my own now!

Poking around discovered the company that has them ( Will be saving up to get one of these soon, can't wait!

Google Reader

I have spoke to several people recently who have said they have a challenge with keeping up on the blogs because it takes so long to go through them, store the addresses, and know where they last left off.

I give the same answer to each of them: Google Reader (

Now, I am not a Google fan boy. Sure, Gmail is awesome, but then again so is a fork. Forks are awesome, they are so versatile. I don't cream over a well made fork. So the fact that Google made a good mail program. Sure, great, awesome, but can I fuck it? I thought not.

Google Reader, however, it a different story. I am currently tracking about 30 kinky blogs. I only need the address once and Reader keeps track if I have read a post or not, and notifys me if a post came in by highlighting that blog. I can scan through all my blogs in just a few minutes.

If you are not using Reader yet, you should check it out, it is very easy to use!


Saturday, January 29, 2011

No Safe Word?

Over the course of the last several months, as I get more and more followers to the blog (thank you to you all, btw, I appreciate you all!) I have received several questions regarding the name of the blog.

No Safe Word

The question is always along the line of; I am assume you don't use safe words when you play.

First, the name I chose was meant to have a dual meaning regarding the blog itself. There is no safe words here, nothing but my own truth that can at times be sharp and jagged. I don't intend this blog to be entirely safe for everyone as it may challenge, push or prod from time to time.

But let me say, I don't tend to use a safe word when I play, not because I don't believe in the ability of the sub to use them, but because I don't believe that as a Dom I need to have them. It is more of a ritual that gives the sub some form of comfort, but they may not necessarily need comfort to reach the right headspace for the scene.

There have only been a couple of times when something has become so intense that I have had to resort to a "safe word" both in scenes where none was established, yet I was able to communicate to the top that something was wrong.

When I play with a sub, I don't use the safe word as I, the Dom, listen to the boy and the reactions, adjust when need to. And I find myself when I sub not wanting to use them with Dom's because if I felt I needed one I don't particularly think the Dom is in tune with me and therefore I don't need to play with them.

When I started playing as a Dom, I used them and I am glad I did. And I encourage others to as well until you can read your subs and feel confident that you are in control of the scene. But at this point in my life, as a Dom or a sub, I don't need them any longer.

That is one way to grow in your kink.

Blog Roll - A Master and His slave

In the long run, what is going to create the most successful blogs is going to be ones that are genuine. One that certainly fits the bill is one called A Master and His Slave. The two are sharing their own journey together in a BDSM relationship, and it has been fascinating to read. I think that many guys who dream of meeting a kinky guy to settle down with would really benefitting from reading through the site, esepcially the questions and answers.

Check it out at:

Intenret Pics - Athletes

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Video: Rubber Party CBT

At a rubber play party earlier this year I got a chance to play with my friend, Kinkidiver, in the playroom of Rubberasylums. He again gave me some moderately heavy cbt. I have been noticing that while I can play in such a headspace of having several people around in a party atmosphere, it is hard to get into a headspace groove for real heavy ball torture.

This was defiantly a challenging space to be in, as you will hear :)

Now I do want to bring up one thing that has been raised to me. A few have commented how a lot of my videos do not end in a cum shot. There are varying reasons for that.

In about half of the videos there is no cum shot to be had. Sometimes a boy I play with doesn't get to cum even if it is a great scene, and the same is for me when I sub.

In the rest, well, truth is I sometimes forget about the camera and move on to other things. Quite often the play you see is just one part of the overall scene. I like to show the videos as a hobby, but the first focus each time I play is the person I am with, which may mean sometimes I forget to film the cum shot.

This is a case where I didn't get a chance to cum. I needed to take a break, after hours of my balls being beaten, smacked, crushed and pulled by several people, by the time I was strapped to the table I was fairly spent and had to ask for a break. 

However, we will have a follow up video shortly with the next day's continuation of the scene, and I certainly had a load then

Direct Link to Video

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Check out E7

At MAL this year I took the opprotunity to get measured for a suit from E7 (, which I have been looking forward to getting from them for sometime. In my haste to spend some available gear money I have almost made the mistake of just ordering something off the rack, so glad I waited. The plan is to get one custom made for just me and I can't wait!

The owner of E7 is very knowledgable and helpful, he did my measurements and did a fitting so he knows exactly what I am looking for in a suit when I am ready to order.

Also below are some photos of the pieces that I have picked up so far, looking forward to getting more soon!

I highly recommend checking out their site and see the gear they have. The thickness of the rubber, excellent prices and the great construction of each piece make them my first stop for rubber gear!

Thanks to the E7 crew for the great help and service at MAL!

 Getting fitted

Sock Powder

Ok, I need to credit my former boyfriend, Oneill67 for this one, but I have run into so many people who have loved how I prep my rubber that I thought it would be a good idea to share here.

Some people always use lube for the inside of their rubber gear, and some use talc powder. Sure, both are great options and have their advantages. I have been using, however, J-lube in just powder form. You get the advantage of a dry powder to put the rubber on easily with no fuss and goo, but once you start sweating you get lovely feel of the tight rubber moving with your skin as the j-lube liquefies.

The best application for it, is the sock seen below.

What you do is take an old tube sock that is at least crew length and fill the toe part with the dry powder. The more the better, then tie off the sock as seen in the photo. You want to use an old sock rather than a new one as you want it to be more porous and release more of the powder when you need it.

When it is time to apply the powder you simply bang the ball of the sock on the inside of your rubber all about to get a nice even coating. The more you bang it around, and the harder you do, the more powder will get spread around. I usually lay my gear on the floor for this kind of application.

Another advantage of this method of storing rubber is that when it is time to put your gear on you can choose to just use the powder, or you can add your favorite liquid lube to make getting in easier. This will mix with the j-lube, which should help keep the lube around longer between your skin and the gear, extending the time you can wear. I have gone nearly 24 hours in the same gear. *

Hope this helps!

* - Note: Keep in mind that long term wear of rubber gear is not that great of an idea. At a certain point your skin needs to breath, so a break from the gear from time to time is best.

Internet Pics - Leather Boys

Monday, January 24, 2011

MAL - Hypno Bondage - Part 2

For those that didn't catch it the previous post, you can catch up to the story here.

After dinner I met up in the lobby Neil ( once again, his buddy MDW (of fame from his blog seen at, he just recently posted about this experience) and with Bo (his blog is at, who will hopefully be posting soon!), the writer of the blog that inspired me to go try this with Neil and also the awesome pup I had played with the night before. It was time for some hang time in the lobby.

I was decked out in my rubber gear (yellow zip front muscle shirt, rubber cod piece shorts) with a set of Carhart black overalls over that (years of my husband's obsession with Carharts is starting to spill over!) and a pair of boots. There was a lot of chatting and hanging out with buds, especially with the four that I mentioned. I am going to try to piece together what happened as best as I can.

From time to time Neil would change my horniness level by giving me the Horny followed by a number command, sometimes putting me on level 5, some times on level 10. When on 1O was practically molesting Bo right there, and at one point was molesting my husband (though he was not really into it and decided to head back to where we were staying).

Now MDW just got himself a new pair of boots, something I was talking with him about prior to the event, and they were looking good on him. He had teased about looking forward to making me lick his boots during one of our chats online before the event. So when Neil said, "Control" and directed me to drop and lick his boots, well, I did it with gusto. I probably would have done it anyway, but made it all that much hotter that I was doing it while commanded to do so. Also, I would have been self-conscious about doing it in front of everyone in the lobby on just my own .

I have licked boots before, sure. And sometimes, it is just fucking hot to do it because the top wants me to. Sure. But there on the floor of the host hotel, in front of all these fucking hot ass men, I was rock hard again, and rubbing my cock against the hard floor. Anyone walking by would have thought I was the most enthusiastic boot licker ever!

After being told to stop that I came up and experienced some orgasms that Neil gave me. So far in the story I left out one of the other suggestions that I was given in our individual session earlier that afternoon. Orgasm.

Neil had given me the hypnotic suggestion that when he grabbed my wrist I would feel a wonderful orgasmic feeling. He did it several times in our session, especially as a reward for our after the blow job I gave him. Now there are two things I need to tell you about Orgasm.

First, it is hard to describe what I felt whenever he grabbed my wrist. First, for me it wasn't like when you shoot and you have that stuttery and jittery jumble of weird ass faces and sounds. For me it was like that moment just before you shoot, that intense feeling that goes all over your body and you are about ready to just release. So as such I wasn't shooting when he did this, just a very drawn out version of what is usually only a few seconds before you shoot.

Second, just like having real orgasms I was getting fatigue from it. Now I have had some days when I can get off several times a day. I still get off about 1 to 2 times a day now.  There have been times when I have had a free day and decided to just go at a nice long jerk off session of several orgasms. The most I have been able to do in one day is 5, but really after 2 it gets really hard to do.

In our individual session, he must have done it to me at least a dozen times. Likely more. I was losing track. I was having these waves of that orgasmic-just-before-you-shoot moments drawn out over and over, and the more he did it, the more I was having trouble staying hard with my dick. It was getting more and more tired, but my mind was loving it.

So after licking MDW 's boots he grabbed my wrist several times and I would just start to buckle as I "came", over and over again. He would sneak over and hit me with it when I was distracted, or he would blatantly do it so I could see it coming. Each time it was getting more tiring on my dick, but just like a marathon jerk session, it was getting more and more intense and getting me more and more subby, often it would cause my knees to buckle and I would end up a pile of rubbery goo on the floor.

At one point a friend, rubbercub, comes over just after I am reduced to one seuch pile of orgasmic goo on the lobby floor in front of everyone, and I hear him talking to Neil and MDW about the water bottle of piss he just emptied out of his bag. He was walking around in full rubber, complete with a body harness and a full rubber trench coat, and a bag to catch his piss from the cock sheet he was wearing.

MDW , the devil he was, suggested that Sparky needed to drink that piss, so while I am sitting on my knees and humping the air and feeling up his boots, he takes rubbercub's piss bottle, and begins filling up a cup, then feeding it me. I am not sure if it was just that I am a piss pig, or if it was rubbercub's, whom I have had a big old crush on since the day I met him, but that was one of the hottest things ever.

Now, to the outside observer my behavior must have been odd. Sure I get subby sometimes, but I never let go like that and make it so public (ok, maybe not NEVER, but it is rare! Sort of). And it was hard not to ask Neil to demonstrate on me every five minutes that had me under his control, so I tried to limit when I asked. Still it was greatly fun when he did, especially when he did Cuffs. He left me standing there with my arms trapped behind my back, nothing really binding them but my mind and his voice, but try as I might I couldn't break it. I loved it when we showed that to people around the lobby from time to time.

At one point of my favorite little kinksters, Kai, came over to see me, and when he learned how under control I was and what was going on, he got this devil smile on his face. Knowing that at that moment I was on horny ten he began kissing me, biting me all over my face, arms, whatever. Tits pinch, everything. And I was loving it! And if I hadn't made a spectacle of myself before that moment, I certainly did when he picked me up (that boy is surprisingly strong) and began tickling me while I was perched up on his back. I don't think there was anyone in the hotel that wasn't hearing me scream right then. After dropping me down to another pile of goo on the floor, walking away with that evil grin that only Kai can give!

After a few moments the gang I was with decided to wander about, and we found ourselves in a part of the lobby that was obscured by some pipe & drape away from the main floor area. By this time a hot guy I have known for some time that I will call J joined in. Now I have known J for sometime, though he has always connected with (and played with) my hubby more than me, but I have always thought he was hot and loved that he was now a part of the group.

After Neil was grabbing my wrist and sending me into several bouts of Orgasms that left me on the floor again, the boys all started taking turns fucking around me while they played and talked with each other, all the while avoiding the hotel staff that would occasionally wander through. I don't remember all the sequence of events, but I remember a lot of what happened.

The more subby I was getting, the more I was barking and growling, the inner pup in me coming out. At one point my face was shoved into Bo's boots, with MDW holding me down with a boot to the back of the neck and back. Soon Bo's boot came off and his rubber covered foot was shoved in my mouth.

Now, here is where those that really know me may say bullshit. Everyone knows I fucking hate feet. But I was on Horny 10 at that point, and riding the high of what must have been 40 or so Orgasm commands by then, and I had one hand on J's hot skin boots, my crotch rubbing the ground, and MDW's boot in my back. I would have done anything they wanted at that point! I don't know how long I sucked on that boy's toes, but it seemed like an hour at least to me.

After some time hanging out there, and me in a fucking rucked up mood to do whatever these men wanted to do to me, we went back to Neil and MDW's room for some more play. When we arrived I remember Neil's Control suggestion for me to take my clothes off, which I readily did. If you recall from the last one post about this day, that was a big thing for me, but it felt natural and ok to be naked in front of everyone. There was a lot of play from there, with me playing the role of super sub to everyone there (though I do remember a moment when I was ready to mount Bo because he was playing with me and working up the Dom side in me he had seen the night before. He makes me want to do evil things whenever he gives those puppy eyes of his!).

And I finally got to play around with J, which I have been wanting to do, especially see him this weekend because he was just wearing one hot piece of gear after another. I loved chewing on his nips for a long time and sucking on his cock for a long time, all while playing around with Bo as well. MDW and Neil also were playing with them, and me, as well as another surprise guest who came by to sniff MDW's socks for a while.

But the best of all, not to take away from any of that, was whenever Neil would come over and grab my wrist, which by this time was just becoming torture through pleasure. But I was loving it. Also, he would point out how well I was doing with being open and vulnerable and naked. Truly an awesome moment.

Eventually it was time to head home as it was getting late, and after what seemed like 50 some odd hypno orgasms I was spent. I got dressed and said my goodbyes, running into a new boy I met outside as I made my way to the car (I was staying off site). He must of seen the glow I was on as we chatted, though I remember nothing of what we talked about. I think he must have thought I was nuts.

Still processing all that had happened I drove home, arriving back after 5am, ending a 13 hour adventure.

So, one final note about this whole thing that I feel I need to share. Some people know that I have a few insecurities. I have exposed a few of them here in this post. The first was at the very beginning of this, when I first read Bo's blog of his hypno experience. I had to work through ideas that this hot man with a unique and very hot talent was ever going to be interested in me, especially when he gets to play with other much hotter boys than me. And there were doubts of if I could do this, if I wanted to do this, if it was going to work, if I would like it, if I would like it too much.

But I am glad I did, and that was due in large part to Neil. I am looking forward to keeping him in my list of friends and staying active with him going forward, but anyone wanting to try this I would highly recommend just contacting him and seeing what it is about. There are only a few Top's I would give an unequivocal recommendation to, he is one of them.

I hope you have enjoyed me sharing this story with you. 

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Video: Sleepsack Rebreathing

While I am working some of the content from MAL I am continuing with some of the videos from recent months.

Back this fall there was a rubber play party, and one of the pups I have played with before, Romperpup, was looking like he needed some bondage time. I decided to take him off a quiet part of the house for some bondage time.

In this video the pup is placed into the neoprene sleepsack (you might have seen me us this before once or twice!), this time with a rebreather bag. Prior  to the beginning of this video the pup spent a good hour locked up with the hood you see at first, then I took that off for the rebreathing part.

Once I started it was not hard to keep the pup on the edge of cumming!

Remember kids, BC is not for messing around with. Do breath control type of play only with others that know what they are doing and have a good track record you can verify. Don't ever do it on your own, EVER!

Direct Link to Video

Friday, January 21, 2011

MAL - Hypno Bondage

For weeks leading up to MAL I have been chatting with a man from NYC who is into erotic hypnosis and hypnotic bondage. I had heard of Neil the Erotic Hypnotist ( based on the recommendations of some friends. I am going to attempt, as best as I can to describe the experience I had with him, which counts up in one of the most amazing kink experiences ever.

You can read up on the experiences of a very hot little pup, Bo, on his blog ( A great read and gives a highlight of a very similar experience, though given mine was in the middle of an event I will be focusing more of what was unique to my experience. I think it is good for those that are unfamiliar with his blog post, however, to read it before continuing as his post is what inspired me to contact Neil and seek this out.

I will also begin with a caveat. There are those that don't believe what I am writing to be possible, real or chalk it up to mystic voodoo. For you, if you want to read on with a skeptical mind, feel free to feel that way, I am not going to try to convince you otherwise. All I can tell you is that my feelings were similar enough to understand how you feel, and my husband I believe was in your camp as well. Not now. Not after this weekend.

If after reading this you still need to be convinced, check out Neil's FAQ (

For weeks ahead of meeting him in person we spent time talking online. Not always about hypno, or about the erotic parts of hypno, but just things in general. There area a few things that I tell every newbie out there regarding how to get their feet wet in kink, one of them is enjoy who you submit to as a person rather than just how hot they are. If you are just looking to get off, have them stick a dick up your ass and be done with it. If you want to have your mind blown, your soul changed, your insides moved, and have the best damn sexual experience you ever have in the world, then make sure you at least like the person you are playing with.

With Neil, it is easy. He answered all my questions and is just a very easy guy to talk to overall. And in person, the first night of MAL when I met him for the first time, it proved to continue to be true. One word I use often to describe people that I really like is genuine, probably because I have never been that great at seeing through BS (no, I don't want to play poker with you now). He really is a genuine guy, open about what he is and what he isn't into. So after talking with him a little Friday night, we agreed to meet up on Saturday afternoon for the session to begin. 

I arrived to his room at the agreed time, and we spend a lot of time talking about what hypno is, what it is not, and some of the myths everyone has about it. We had a long discussion, and I felt more and more comfortable as we chatted, easily able to open up and give him ideas of what I was thinking at that moment and listen to what he had to say.

Rather than spending time on the process, which in some ways I remember really well and in others not so much, I am going to get more into the action of what happened and the reactions it was producing in me.

When it was time to begin we agreed on what we were going to do during the session, some of which was from a therapeutic perspective. One of those I can share, since I think it is integral to the story, is body image issues.

I have never been happy with my body. When one thing is working, something else bothers me. Growing up with flaming read hair and very pronounced freckles makes you a target for other kids ridicule, but when I got comfortable with that something else comes up. A good example is my nips. They have always stuck out, a lot. In middle school I dreaded Shirts & Skins games in PE as I knew I was going to be made fun of for them. However, once I came out I learned there are a lot of guys that are into big nips, especially because they are really chewable and really connected (yes, I have cum from just getting my nips chewed with no one touching my dick). As with my red hair, discovering a part I was self conscience about to be a turn on for guys I liked didn't mean it went away, it just went elsewhere.

So I wanted some help with feeling more comfortable with my body, and that became a part of what we agreed to.  I was nervous prior to meeting about this, especially given how  much I found Neil to be a really hot guy. At one point he sent to me a photo of him in under armour to me, my biggest weaknesses. He  has a great chest, which is one of my favorite things on a guy. So from the beginning I intimidated about playing with someone I found to be so hot.

Additionally we added some discussion about the fun part, hypno bondage. Now, as some of you may have noticed, I am into heavy bondage. Some would say scary bondage. Fully confined gets me off. So the idea of nothing confining me at all seemed a little far fetched. Not that it wasn't possible, just not possible for me. I was even concerned that if it did work I wouldn’t get off on it as I wasn't surrounded with the usual amounts of rubber and chain and other toys.  

How wrong I was. 

When we started I was in my rubber gear, though just a little. A pair of cod-piece front shorts and a yellow zip front muscle shirt. He had me lay down on the bed and we began with him talking me through relaxing and listening to him. As he had encouraged me to do, when my mind wandered I let it, and there were times when I caught myself wondering what he was saying. In the very relaxed atmosphere so I just wasn't always processing what he was telling me to do.

After him putting me under a few times and taking me back out a few times, the first to test how I was doing, the others to do some of the therapeutic suggestions we agreed to. At one point he woke me up and I told him I had to piss, so he said go ahead. Here is the first time my mind was blown, and what felt like previously were moments of doubt were starting to melt away. 

As I walked to the bathroom in my rubber gear I knew, with my conscious mind that there was something he wanted me to do, and I knew that I knew what it was, but I really needed to piss at that moment, so I was telling myself I will get to it in a moment, just pee first. Then I started thinking, you know, I am not sure if this is working, am I going under or do I just think I am.

Off comes the rubber shirt.

Now I am thinking, glad I took that off, that is much better. The confining rubber around my shoulders was probably distracting me. I finish the piss, then…

Off comes the shorts.

After putting the shorts with the shirt on the sink, I returned back to the bed in the other room, completely naked.

Now, at this point, of those that have played with me, try to think of if you have ever really seen me naked. If you have it was because I was putting something on or taking them off (unless we were in a relationship, hehe). So in I walk back to the room leaving my rubber gear behind, and blop back over on the bed, when that feeling that there was something I was supposed to do came back, but this time really strong.

I am going to take a moment to describe this moment in a way that really captures it, because this really tossed my mind about in my skull.

Have you ever been talking about a movie or TV show, and someone asks what the name of the star is, and you just have the name and you know you know it, but can't get it out. Tip of the tongue. The idea that there was something I was supposed to do, that he wanted me to do, was very strong and I knew I know what it was, it was on the tip of my tongue. That is what it was like when I laid down, but when I looked up into his eyes, and saw this smile, I knew what it was. Just like that moment when you suddenly remember an actors name, I suddenly remember what it was that he told me to do when I was under.

I was to take off all my clothes. 

Earlier he and I talked about the difference between the conscious mind and the subconscious  mind. My mind, my conscious part of the brain was telling me a series of things to do because I needed to do them that led me to the event my subconscious was directed to do by Neil when I was last under. He told me when I would next wake up I would want to take off all the rest of my clothes. So when I woke I had an event that needed to get me to a place where I would take off my clothes.

The part that was the odd part, the one that took my doubt away, was when he smiled at me after I looked up at him on that bed, completely naked. The memory of him telling me when I was under to take my clothes off after I woke, and that I would remember that I would when he asked me about it but not before, well, that was the kicker. It wasn't that I didn't remember, it was that a part of my brain was telling my conscious mind, don't worry about it, we will think about that later, first pee. Then, I should take this shirt off, then we can think about it, well, there are the pants to, then we can remember. I don't want to stand in this bathroom like a weirdo while standing  there ponder what it was that I was to be doing, so I will just go back in the bedroom area and we can figure it out, that bed is inviting, lets hop on up there, look at Neil… Holy shit that fucking worked!

So now, when it was time to go under again, I was ready to go!

Again, I am not going to go into the process of what happened next, but I will take a few moments to describe what the results where, especially the next best part of the experience that kept fucking with my head: Cuffs.

After he gave the hypnotic suggestion of Cuffs and I was brought back to being fully awake and out of the hypnotic state he could pull both of my wrists together and tap my wrists, then say "cuffs". The result was I couldn't separate my hands.

Now, even with the naked thing earlier, I was skeptical of the bondage part the most, and again I was surprised with the reaction. I have experienced heavy poppers, oxygen deprivation, even chloroform, all of which prevented me from having control of my body. In those cases my mind was unable to make commands of my body, that wasn't it at all. Here my mind was fine, I was fully awake and able to think like normal, but willing my hands apart was not resulting in it happening.

At first, I was experiencing this feeling like, ok, sure it works a little, but it can't last. I just have to try harder. I tried breathing calmly, I tried straining, I even tried relaxing figuring it was some sort of Chinese finger cuff trick, all didn't work. My arms just decided, naw, I am going to stay where they are.

I was getting all subby before that, which is a fun headspace to be in and one that I have done a lot, but when he put my wrists together for the first time, and gave that devil smile of delight as he watched me realize everything he had been telling me for weeks was true, that is when I dropped in full sub mode.

He demonstrated a few other things as well, all of which was so fun to experience, but I am going to skip ahead a little bit to the next best part of the sessions. There were two more hypnotic suggestions I should explain. One was Control, where he would touch me in a certain spot and then say Control, followed by a command to follow. The other was Horny, where he would do a similar touch, say Horny then give a number from 1 to 10 to tell me how horny I was.

I could tell he was getting off on the control as much as I was, and with Cuffs in place with my wrists behind my back, he gave me Horny 10, which made me want to do everything. I would have fucked a tree if it was nearby. It didn't just turn on like a light bulb, more like someone putting down the gas pedal slowly and steadily, and away I went. He then gave me Control, and told me to suck his cock.

Now, I feel every boy needs to have a goal, something to accomplish (not every Dom agrees, that is fine, it is my belief) and one of mine was to blow this man to his satisfaction, especially knowing he loved that. Sure, I have had my share of cock in my mouth, but I don't remember ever getting anyone off with just mouth. My husband is amazing at it, and I often am jealous of his ability to suck cock. I just didn't get that gay gene.

So when I was commanded to blow Neil, it was all I wanted to do, and I was rock hard doing it. The more I blew him, the more I tasted his cock and felt/heard his reactions to my attention, all the while pulling on my unrestrained but uncooperative wrists behind my back, I just kept getting harder. I can get off on pain, a skill I acquired only in the last couple of years, but never have I had pain on my cock from just being hard without a cock ring. In fact, that is exactly what it felt like, having a too tight metal cock ring on. The closer he got the harder I got, the more painful it was, the more hot I was.

I want to describe the wave of feeling of what happened next. In my line of work I have been integral part of the production team for large events. I have stood on the floor of an arena and watch an audience screen and cheer to the work I did. I have met celebrities of all kinds, seen sides of notables that no one knows about. I have climbed the inside of the Super Dome, and been on the set of one of the most famous, long running television shows in the country. Imagine what it is like to feel that level of pride in what you do.

When I felt his load hit my mouth, I felt the same thing, that exact same feeling of disbelief I get to be a part of this, and that I am having a moment that never happened before and will never happen again like that. I sucked that man off and was fucking getting off on it. I just had this huge wave of, holy fuck yea that was awesome.

What followed was a bit of other play, then did we did one last follow up moment of me going under. He gave me some more suggestions, and I remember it best because I was on such a high at that moment. Once I was under he left a suggestions in my subconscious to reinforce some of the other items we had done earlier, as well as adding that I would feel happy and energetic and horny for the rest of the night.

Now, the rest of the evening I am going to have to follow up in another post, as it was truly a unique experience and truly a memorable one! But a couple of additional detail before signing off this post.

The happy, energetic and horny suggestion certainly worked. I met back up with my husband, and we did some shopping in the mart (can't wait to share about some of the pieces I get there!). The entire time we were doing that, as well as dinner after with some friends, and the lobby hangout after, I was bouncy. Very bouncy.

I drink my caffeine through Diet Coke, but have done coffee before I swore off it. This doesn't compare. It was a natural high of energy. I was literally bouncing and chatty, humming and darting my attention all around. My husband accurately described my behavior that night like being drunk without the negative side of it, though I might take it a step further and say it was like experiencing a runner's high without the bother of running. The suggestion of being happy and energetic worked and I just rode with it.

Now, I must break for a while from this post. I know it is incredibly long, but there was so much to tell, and much more to go. I will continue in the next part.

Internet Pics - Singlets

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Video - Electro Punishment

In a recent post I spoke of the time I came without permission at the hand of my friend Rubberasylum in the midst of a mind fuck on me, set up by Sir (aka BindNlock). i knew i wasn't allowed, but did walk into the situation hoping for the result i got, and also wasn't successful in fighting off Rubberasylum's attempt to get me off (was doing pretty good until the milker came out!).

It was time to take the punishment for cumming without permission
 The leather was very tight, and the hood intense. i was completely immobilized, and while i have been tied up many times, rarely have i felt to completely helpless. the electro was coursing through my entire pelvis area was not only roughing me up but driving me crazy by not letting to get into a deep headspace. I often think the sub headspace is there for us to be able to deal with the complete loss of control and able to endure complete, encapsulating bondage, and many times have I rode the wave of grooving in that bondage. not often has someone been able to break me through the use of something i normally get off on.

In other words, the mind fuck continued

With the electro bounding my ass, without that safety of the headspace and ability ride the loss of the senese and freedom, my punishment settled in.

when you watch this, keep this in mind. this was most definately the most intense bondage and helplessness i have ever been in.

Thank you Sir, i will be a better boy for you next time

Direct Link to Video

Internet Pics - Duct Tape

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

MAL Condensed Report

  • Number of loads I had: 5
  • Number of orgasms I had: Lost track! (will explain in future posts why they are different)
  • Number of boys I made out with: 11 (no shit! It really was 11! Whew)
  • Number of hot guys spotted: They all wouldn't sit still long enough to count
  • Number of puppies I kept thinking about because they weren't there with me: 3 (you know who you are and missed each of you!)
  • Amount of money spent in the leather mart: Groan, don't ask
  • Best new kink I tried: Hypno!
  • Best use of an old kink: Electro (finally maxed the box out on a boy, more on that later)
  • Number of brand new friends: 8 (how fucking awesome is that!)
  • Number of friends I didn't get to spend enough time with: Way, way too many
  • Number of awesome Daddies who were hosts, guides, some times cooks,  always logistics coordinators, entertainers, and made for a perfect event: 2 (you know who you are!)
  • Funniest thing seen: A bellman taking out a luggage cart piled with the following; lots of luggage, a motorcross helmet, a leather motorcycle jacket, an industrial fan/blower, and a game of Twister. Must have been some night.

I know they can't last forever, but damned if this wasn't an awesome event. Thank you to everyone!

Note: There was a lot of consternation about the hotel and the rules, the new costs policies and some of the issues that came up. I know it wasn't perfect for all, but it wasn't that bad either. We have to realize that a change in venue was necessary, and there was some things that didn't fire on all cylinders like we are used to. It was still a great event overall, and hopefully they improve it next time.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Wrapping up MAL

Hey there all

I am at my friend's house, with a smaller group of us sitting around enjoying each other's company after a weekend of craziness (some are still playing, some are sleeping it off!) so I decided to sneak away for a few moments to write down some thoughts about this weekend.

MAL has been special for me for some time. It was my first leather event of any type when I first started this journey. It was the first event I took my husband too and our first vacation together somewhere. And it was the first place I have met some truly wonderful people that I am proud to still call my friends. So MAL has been a series of firsts each time I have gone.

This trip was no different.

As I sit here thinking of the firsts that I experienced this weekend, it is kind of overwhelming, and all that I can say for right now is how amazing of a trip this has been. As soon as I post this I am going to start writing up one part, and I believe there will be some blog postings up on some of the other sites that I will be referencing :)

So can't wait to organize these thoughts and share with everyone!

I also want to take a moment while riding this high to thank everyone. I got a lot of positive comments this weekends, from friends and strangers alike, about this blog and what I have shared. And I am excited to begin moving forward with the next evolution of the site that will be coming soon. Thank you all for continuing to follow and to contact me, truly a unique and wonderful experience!


Thursday, January 13, 2011


Here is a little something I recently ran across that made me think.

Comedy is very controlling - you are making people laugh. It is there in the phrase "making people laugh." You feel completely in control when you hear a wave of laughter coming back to you that you have caused.

Gilda Radner

Now first, a thank you to Miss Gilda, those who you controlled from time to time miss your guiding hand.

When I read this, however, a connection clicked for me, a previous ponderance made sense to me. I have seen at events or bars those guys who seek control (Sirs, Masters, Doms, Trainers, Tops, however you wish to look at them), standing thereall stoic and unmoving. Trying to appear the projection of the persona they have made: In Control.

Hell, I have even tried this myself, quite purposefully. I have stood in the bar with an air of intensity, of trying to project to a potential trick that if they want to play they will be played with hard. And sometimes it worked, a twitterpated boy (it’s a word, sure) comes over and begins the dance, and I end up playing with them.

The challenge is, though, I have limited myself, bound myself up and gave control of who I really am to this boy that was seeking me for control. Try to crack a big funny or be zanny, glib, or god forbid sarcastic to a boy after you have set a scene where you are in control and you may very well come off as insane. At the very least you are not going to get the boy to open up to you, to get in their head, as easily because now they have to figure you out and what the meaning of the mixed signals are.

Why give up who I really am to someone else by not being me. I am a funny guy. Ask my husband! (don't ask my husband, he has heard my jokes 20 times, but at least he still smiles at me attempting the same material on him)

I think back to every Dom I have played with and each one of them, every single one without exception, were very funny people. Each had their own style, from those that were willing to be completely wacky to those whose wit is as sharp as their whip (ha, finally found a use for that alteration!). When I think of the tops I have enjoyed, I can hear each one of their laughs in my head.

Try this, all you novice boys out there that are hoping to find that top who will do all those awful things you have dreamed about. When you see them, and they give you the stare that they are interested, give a chuckle back. If they get pissed, move on. If they laugh as well and say, what is so funny, you have found a potential good top.

Of course now you best come up with a good reason for laughing.

Humor, in order to work, requires imagination. We find something funny when we see something we understand in a new way; it is based in creativity, spontaneity and the ability to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to be different for a moment.

I would argue that a good top needs to have all those traits as well to create those kinds of scenes that blow your mind.

Which is why the bumper sticker on my car says, "If you can make me laugh, you can smack my balls."

And see, wouldn't that be funny if I did?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Video - Hog Sack Again

A few months ago I went back to visit BindNlock, who is one of my favorite tops to play with. I don't submit very often, but when I do, I love it to be to a guy that knows what he is doing, and he certainly does. I had been in his rubber hog sack once before, and it is rubber dreamy land.

Now I usually love a sleepsack, as you probably have noticed from my videos there is a lot of use of them. This, however, feels like a far different bondage high when locked into because of the position. There is very little comfort, yet still natural feeling. And the rubber all over, making me sweat and clingy to the entire body. Finally the hood comes on, with the very intense gag, all in a very thick latex, makes this bondage suit the best I have been in for a complete sense of helplessness.

I feel when I am in it that I can't take it for long, and don't want to bet let out. So odd to be so conflicted in it.

Which is why I enjoyed subbing to BindNlock, he made the experience even more of a challenge for me by using ball torture, another activity that I both love and hate. This conflict in the head creates an erotic feeling of being emptied and complete.

Leading up to this visit I was in chastity for Sir, and at the beginning of the chastity term I played with my buddy Rubberasylum. I knew there was a good chance that getting tied up by him was going to lead him to make me cum just to ensure I woudl be in trouble, even though I told him I didn't want to. Truth was I did but wanted an excuse to say it wasn't my fault. (you can see the video of that play HERE)

Sir knew better. He knew the entire time.

He references in this video my punishment. That is coming in the next video. For now, here is some of the lead up to it.

By the end of this scene I was very frustrated and wanted to cum very badly!

Direct Link to Video